Nudged: Invite a potential new friend to coffee

This Nudge was inspired by an article I wrote several months ago on tips for networking. I don’t know about you, but I feel my networking muscles atrophied while we were sheltering-in-place, and I need some nudges to get back out there!

One person I interviewed encouraged me to redefine networking not as a must-do for generating business, but as a way of connecting with good people, of finding points of re-connection, of being intentional about getting and staying in touch. There are benefits professional and personal.

This Nudge is simple. Sending a text or email with “I’d love to catch up with you” (in person or virtually) is all that’s needed. I’m hoping, however, that I get an enthusiastic response and our meet-up happens this week.

What Happened: I knew who I was going to call as soon as I pulled this Nudge. Jodi (not her real name) joined our book club a few years ago, but with COVID, I haven’t had a chance yet to get to know her outside of our monthly meetings on Zoom. We’d tried booking meet-up dates in the past, but life got in the way. At the risk of feeling like a stalker from a dating app, I shot off a text message.

And she said Yes!

I was nervous the morning we were getting together. Would we have enough in common to carry on a conversation? Would we have vastly different opinions about politics, religion, or any other big issue that might wreck a friendship before it took off? Would she like me?

I waited until the last minute to get dressed and pull myself together. I made sure I was out the door and at the coffeehouse early. Didn’t want to be tardy (aka inconsiderate) and give her a bad first impression. My gosh, this IS a lot like dating again!

She arrived soon after and we dove right in. Did we discuss our book club’s most recent selection? I don’t even remember. We shared family histories and tales of travels and adventures. We found intriguing connections. Turns out she’s a member of a service organization I’ve long had my eye on–and now I have an introduction and standing invitation to attend one of their meetings.

When I looked at my watch, we’d passed the hour I’d allotted for our meet-up and I had to dash to get back to my office. We left the conversation mid-topic, so we can pick up there when we get together again.

We will get together again, and that had me smiling as I jogged to my car.

The Ah-Hahs: I’ve been thinking a lot lately about The Ask. In my work, I’ve gotten to be pretty brave making big asks–a favor, a request for a review, a request for an introduction to someone I want to interview, a request for work–because someone might say Yes. I’ve learned that people want to say yes, and when they can’t say Yes, sometimes those people instead of saying No say, “Let’s figure out another way.”

I’m learning this also applies to my personal life. I long for deep friendships like the ones I had in my 30s and 40s, before I moved to a city where I knew only my husband. Those relationships where you trust and honor each other, respect boundaries and still challenge each other to grow, where you finish each other’s thoughts. While I am so very blessed to have friends like these all over the world, I’m still working on gathering my tribe locally. So, it falls to me to put myself out there and ask–issue the invitations and follow up. I believe the potential rewards are incalcuable.